“Empty Shell” is a new song I wrote a couple of weeks ago. Its very personal and comes from a place of hurt and despair. I’ve been having a bit of a hard time lately. The feelings of not being good enough, of being an imposter and knowing nothing about what I’m doing have been taking me hostage.
I am well aware, that this does not come from anyone outside of me – however actions and words from other people can trigger these feelings in me. Especially when it comes from people whose opinion I value.
Mid February it all came crashing down on me and I had a little breakdown. I was lying in bed for hours, just crying and having bad thoughts about myself, my art, my work – basically my whole life and everything I’ve accomplished or not accomplished and everything that I thought I had a grip on. I was at a very dark place – I feel better now, though I’m not convinced that I’m totally ok again.
It feels like there’s some songs that I wrote, that have been building up to what “Empty Shell” is about and how my mental distress actually developed. It started with “You’re enough” in Summer 2018. A song that already deals with the feelings of despair and hurt, but still sees a bright light at the end of the tunnel. Then in January 2019 I wrote “Fighting the Fraud Police” – a song that’s been a long time in the making and deals with those dark thoughts that seem to take me over sometimes.
“Empty Shell” is now the culmination of these songs (at least that’s what I hope).
Here’s a first, very raw version of the song:
If you’re interested in the lyrics and chords, you can download them here.
xoxo Nikky