Why I want to be on Stage…

Now that everything is getting a bit more quiet again I’ve had some time to think and started wondering, where this sudden urge to be on stage is coming from.

To answer that, I have to go back a little. I remember when I first started taking ukulele lessons about three years ago, my teacher said something along the lines of “Well, and when you hit the stage,…” and I was like “Nah, that’s never gonna happen. I’m just doing that for me”. And back then, this was absolutely true.

Then I started my Instagram and I was still doing this just for me. I wanted to learn and get better. I guess you could say that Instagram is a virtual stage, but for me it’s not the same as being on stage in front of a live audience. For Instagram you can tape your video as often as you want. You can fuck up and just try again without anyone ever noticing. And even if you do post videos with mistakes – there’s no immediate response. You can’t see peoples faces – which is a good and a bad thing.

There were a couple of festivals that I attended. And I always went there with the intention to play open-mic, but I never had the guts to do it. I would see other people hit the stage, listen to them and was sure, that I just wasn’t as good as them, so I’d better not play.

Then in Summer 2018 I started to write my own songs. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time and there was so much in me that wanted to come out. And this totally triggered the urge to play on stage. It made me feel uncomfortable but at the same time, I wanted my songs to be heard. And not just on the Internet, but in front of live audiences. Where I could see peoples faces and reactions.

So for Vienna Ukulele Night last year I finally found the courage to play my first open-mic. Not with my originals yet, but with some songs that I’m pretty confident with. I got some very nice feedback that night and it kept me going. I applied to play at some festivals and got some open-mic spots and my first main stage slot at Oslo Ukulele Festival.

I never expeced it to be such a pleasure to share my art live with so many people. To see their reactions, see the smiles on their faces and them interacting with me on stage. I just wish that I’d have had the courage to go on stage earlier and not be so scared about what anybody else can do.

So being able to share my music and my feelings is what got me on stage, and now that I know what an amazing feeling it is, I never want to stop doing it. And it’s scary, and it makes me feel vulnerable, but at the same time it makes me happy, and that’s what my journey was about.

xoxo Nikky

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