Sängerschmiede Part 4 – I’m just not there (yet)

A new month and a new opportunity to…

Yeah? What exactly? This month of singing class started out pretty confusing and unsure for me. Once again, I thought I missed the mark with my last song. At least the one I set for myself. But it also feels like I’m starting to let down a lot of people who seem to believe in me and what I’m capable of. So you see, it’s all still very complicated.

The goal for this month is to get a bit more creative and try out different sounds and ways to achieve them. And the homework song that I got for this assignment is “I put a spell on you” by Nina Simone. I’ve developed some good strategies in the last couple of years to figure out a song, check out the structure and the last months helped a lot to do this with a playback as well. But this song seems all over the place and needed quite some time for me to figure out. At the same time it also leaves a lot of space for your own interpretation.

An opportunity to lower my own bar

So about that new month and new opportunities. Since the last homework songs left me feeling disappointed about not reaching all goals and “failing” (only in my head of course) certain parts of the assignment I wanted to take out some pressure and lower my own expectations on what I need to reach. And in the beginning of working on the song this actually helped a lot. I started to have fun and was able to approach it a bit more relaxed than usual. And even though it was only three weeks until I had to present the song, it didn’t stress me out that much in the beginning. I felt good about it. Until…

An opportunity to get emotional

… the assignment turned a bit too emotional. During vocal coaching with different coaches we worked a lot with different emotions to create different sounds. This was fun at first but of course taps deep into your own feelings and that’s where it’s getting difficult for me. I am not someone who’s letting herself be vulnerable around other people and that “just let go” really is easier said than done. And within minutes the month that started out rather lighthearted (at least for my world) turned into a month with an additional chore that I am just not ready to deliver yet. It’s not that I don’t want to open up and let go, it’s just that I am not there yet to actually do it.

An opportunity to be enough

And here we are again – it starts to feel like I’ve been writing about the same things every month now and I’m treading on water. So here I am worried again that the final video that I’m going to deliver will not be enough, not good enough, not check all the marks, disappoint all the people who believed in me and of course myself. I know that I made a lot of progress, but I also feel like I can’t deliver it all and fulfill all those huge expectations that lie on me.

If you read all the way through here – thanks for listening 🙂

If you only came for the video. Here it is:

There’s really nothing more I can say about it. It’s a rocky journey but I’m still on the bus, I guess that counts as a win. Stay tuned to see what April has in store for me 🙂

xoxo Nikky

If you missed the first parts of the series, you can check them out here:

Sängerschmiede Part 1 – A new journey

Sängerschmiede Part 2 – Let it Go

Sängerschmiede Part 3 – Singing without Fear!?

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