I’ll start with something honest and raw: I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated with my progress, with the feedback I get, with how my Instagram is dying down because I’m not producing good enough content,…
But mostly I’m frustrated with myself and how I try to please everyone else and not look after myself.
I can hear you think “But you look so happy, you’re doing fine” and I get it. That’s how it probably looks, it’s just not how I feel.
In the last couple of months I heard a lot of “you need to do this to get better”, “try this to improve that”, “that’s not interesting enough, you need more of that”. And even though I know that most of these comments come from a place of love and probably from an honest desire to help me, it’s not helpful for me at all. What it does is putting pressure on me and making me feel not good enough. I’m stressing about it and it’s frustrating. It leaves me feeling completely overwhelmed, not knowing where to start or what to do and it makes me question everything that I do and do well.
I’m aware, that I’m mostly a happy little strummer. And I’m aware that this might not help me become the worlds best ukulele player. But then again, that’s not my goal. I’ve only been playing for about two years now and I feel like I’ve improved a lot. Of course I want to push myself further and become better, but at my own speed and in the direction that I want to go and not the direction other people choose for me.
What happened in the last couple of months was, that I started to learn things, that I don’t even want to play, but feel like I have to, to improve the way I’m supposed to. This is taking the fun out of my ukulele journey and I hate it.
I’m not sure yet, what I’ll do, but some things need to change. I want to have fun playing, it’s not supposed to be a chore. I got enough of those in my life, so I’m gonna have to make some decisions as to where I want to go and how to get there…